One More Below The Belt

Hey kids....been a while, it has, it has, and, well, with all the fuss about the site lately, I felt it was time to write another post to keep you abreast of the happenings.

Today was a rather productive kinda day, and I figured I'd best share it with the State of Iowa.  That particular state is due to be a rather unpleasant and duly distant memory in just 2 short days now...and don't think for even one minute I'll be upset about it either.  But before I left, well, FOREVER, I figured I wasn't done taking a last poke at those of the "BBL."  Thanks, by the way, go out to my good friends Melissa Martin (a fellow podcaster, and a damn good looking one to boot) and Jodi Mueller of "Parental Alienation" fame.  If it wouldn't have been for them, I mighta missed the whole kitten kaboodle.  Now, even though I promised myself that I wouldn't put them as the head photo to the article, this doesn't mean I'm gonna be Mr. Swell and leave them out in the cold either (where I'm certain both of them would much rather be) so here's my tribute...(sorry ladies, I just HADDA do it):

From left to right:  C. Bruce, Mrs. Zombie, Jodi M., Mr. Zombie, Melissa M.

Wait...hold it....now rewind...fuss about the site?  OK, Let's start there.  Now, here's a killer for ya....it took me two long years of publishing articles (most of my jail time doesn't count) to get to 100,000 hits on ADS...and I was damn proud of that too, make no mistake.  But here's the kicker, you ready?  From August (when it rolled over) until the end of December, I was rotting away in jail; and during this time, I published nary an article...but ADS picked up 26,000 hits in just 4 months.  This leads me to believe that, finally, the right people are taking a look.  Remember, there was only a single incentive to look at the blog, and that incentive was SOLELY the fact that I filed federal court complaints, and at the end of each and every section, it stated only this:  "For more information, see "America's Deadly Sins" (the blog).  Kinda makes me feel all gushy inside....finally, SOMEONE CARES!

2nd, today was a special day, when these two warrior women came to Des Moines to help fight the good fight at the Iowa State Capitol.  Of course, I couldn't resist.  I jumped on the first high-speed mass transit vehicle and wormed my way over to see what damage I could do.  And, I do believe my near-psychic ability about people worked in my favor.

I went to the "Find Your Legislator" section of the Iowa Legislator's website, and picked 4 names out of a hat, based solely on a hunch.  Out of those 4, 2 were dead on bulls-eyes.

I won't give out their names (we certainly wouldn't want DHS and the enemy laying it on 'em thick to lay low), but one agreed to introduce legislation to get proper code concerning making recordings of juvenile hearings (no more relying solely on transcripts, which they are currently charging $3.50 a page for, and don't even get put into the record officially unless you DO pay them to do so; and can be fabricated and forged easily for fraud purposes)...if I wrote up the proposal.  I naturally jumped on that, with a vengeance.  There was also mention made of the possibility to consider introducing confidentiality and immunity changes....but let's not jump too high.  I'm willing to forego those for now in favor of getting the recordings made; for those about to endure the taking of their children in the future.  Had I had that luxury, we'd still have our daughter.

The other legislator had evidently (as well as obviously) heard our kind of stories before, and showed true and massive concern for what we had endured in our cases...and promised to look into it with utter sincerity.  I think, just with  these two (especially after they get an oogle at the blog, which I kindly shoved down their throats), there's hope kindled anew.  Again, I'd like to thank Jodi and Melissa for giving me the opportunity to hopefully make a difference for my FORMER state of Iowa.

Finally, to the two legislators out there, who are probably reading this right about now?  Thank you for your time.  I hope this opens your eyes to what horrors are plaguing those of Iowa, and have been for some time.  Thank you for caring  :D

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Author's Note  (One more even further below the belt), a final goodbye to Iowa, and to the criminals of the "BBL":

Gee....I'm so sorry about Nancy Elscott and Kyle Thies' new found fame, but hey, all's fair in love in war....right?  So sorry I'll be out of your reach now, and equally sorry that I no longer own the number that your detective (who has ABSOLUTELY no reason to be calling) keeps calling.  No crime was committed...(not that there ever was a crime committed previously)...just flexing the ol' "Freedom of speech" rights.  Your little "warnings" are hardly needed (the damage is surely done...and, unlike the "Domestic Terrorist" article you fed the Register, not a word is libelous); I won't be talking to a single Iowa resident again...unless they're TIGHT friends that I've known for decades...and they know the secret handshake - or, unless they're going to be at the losing end of the myriad of lawsuits I intend to file...if they haven't been filed already.  I think it's only fair to say goodbye to all the criminals, just one last time...and to remind them that their day is coming...this time on the FED level, since it is my utmost promise that the fee for my case against Polk County will be my FIRST priority...even before eating or living.

2nd, and finally, I'd like to speak a special adios to the biggest criminal in the Polk County area, John P. Sarcone...I will not rest, my friend, until you see jail for all that you have done.  Your Hell on Earth will be personally serviced you by none other than me.  I will shout your name until the Earth stands still and justice is done.  Rot in that Hell when you arrive there, and don't forget who it was that finally managed to put you there.

Call the Secret Service on me...I'm sure they'll remember the last time you cried "Wolf", and won't be so quick to hunt me down...and call the FBI offices (you've called how many now?  10?  12?  And not one has ever been to my door, nor do they appear to be going through my emails anymore, are not hooked up to my NEW computer, nor do they seem to be logging in behind me on Facebook.  Looks like the case is CLOSED.  Too bad...so sad...for YOU!

The Fed Funny Farm, Part IV

Well folks, your good ol' American truth teller is well on the path to being seriously disillusioned with even our higher level of "justice."  'Twould seem that the Feds are even worse nitpickers than our state courts, and for a lot less cause, to boot.

Let's kick the game off with the case that occurred while I waited for my release - The Writ of Habeas Corpus.  A writ designates this legal action (whatever the action might be) as needing (and seeking) immediate attention; unlike a direct appeal, which could feasibly take a year or better to address (redress they call this.)

As such, the Writ of Habeas Corpus (which in the queen's English means "produce the body") is a demand from the seat of a higher court (on the state level, this would be the Supreme Court of the State, and on the higher level, would involve the Federal District Court.  Naturally, if you had a federal case, the appellate U.S. Court would be involved here) to look down upon the lower court, and would ask of them to show just cause as to why the person petitioning the court was being held.  If the lower court is unable to show that just cause, they must then release the wrongfully detained person, A.S.A.P.  Sounds great and just, does it not?  In theory, I suppose...in reality, you should know that certain "catches" abound.

You can petition the writ on both the state and the federal levels.  The problem with doing this on a state level (done if your case is a state-level case) is this:  If the State is the problem, what good is it to ask the state to look into what the state is doing wrong?  Sounds like the start of a conflict of interest case, doesn't it?

Petitioning the writ in Federal court is equally problematic; since the Feds want you to "exhaust" your state level remedies first.  Again, if the State presents the problem, then why bother?  If you've been sentenced to a year in jail, and it takes 2 years for you to exhaust your state level remedies, they why even offer the writ...at all?  This writ, then, really only works for those wrongfully sentenced for 2 or better years, since it takes about that long (or longer) to exhaust all the possible State remedies.  Silly me for even trying, right?  What was I thinking?

Another thing I note, is that, when asking someone higher up to check up on someone lower down in the judiciary - you're asked to ask the higher ups, then, at the same time, notify the lower downs of your intent to ask the higher ups to check up on them.  Just a minute here....does this make a lick of sense?  Think about this...if your sister Peggy burns your baseball card collection in the middle of her bedroom floor while your mom is at work, and you decide that you're going to tell on her, what if the house rule read that, in order for you to tell your mother about it, you had to tell your sister you were going to rat her out at the same time; and then, it takes a month for your mom to look into the matter?  What do you believe will happen now?  Well, what'll happen is, Peggy will have the mess all cleaned up, all the tile replaced, and will have her ass properly covered.  How convenient for those of our judiciary, eh?  This doesn't really hold any legal water in real time, now does it?  The wheels of Federal Justice turn even slower than those in our state courts, so by the time the higher ups look into what the lower downs are doing, the lower downs should have all the paperwork properly placed, and their asses properly covered.  Honestly, if this is the best I can expect for the remainder of my state cases, I may as well call it a day.

Some other fabualities (no, no, that's NOT a real word; just settle down, willya?) I note on both judiciary levels:

1.  Money is much more important than justice.  Filing civil suits in State court costs $185, and $380 on the federal level.  What's more, most of the things that need to be done won't be done for you until you pay them.  Nine times out of ten, because of this, most cases get dismissed, due to the filing fee not getting paid.  Oh sure, you can attempt to show that you're indigent in order to get the filing fee waived, but it could be months before they choose to address that (more time to get your butts covered)...and chances are, it won't get granted.  The state also tends to mention the possibility of ADDITIONAL costs, and choose NOT to list these for you beforehand.

2.  Everything they bring against you is usually a criminal matter, and costs them...NOTHING.  THEIR money is YOUR money, giving them unlimited resources to try you incessantly until they win out or until you give up or go broke paying costs (lawyer, court costs, postage, subpoena and serving costs, etc.)  Every action you bring against THEM, however, is almost always a CIVIL action (even if it involves actual crimes the State, County or Feds committed against YOU), and could, ultimately, cost you three times:  $185/$380 to file the case; court costs and fees if you lose (and, since attorney's fees are RARELY awarded, those too); plus that same amount of YOUR money (taxes, etc.) that pay them to defend themselves...indefinitely, for what could be YEARS!!!

3.  Selective hearing on their part.  If it helps them, they hear things perfectly.  If it helps you, on the other hand, it's as though it was never said.  Logic doesn't tend to lend credence in a court of law these days, only the "Law" applies; even if that law (or case law) is totally illogical.  In some cases I've been though, I've found law that actually makes sense, only to later get shot down from the other side with a passage of equal or greater nonsense law from the other side; which is generally why I try to present all of my motions verbally in court.  This manages to deprive the other side from hunting and finding some way to weasel out of it using some bullshit passage of case law somewhere.

Probably the biggest and most horrific thing the courts do to win cases against you is the one thing we expect them to do - Use the law against you.  "Of course," you say?  That's the whole point, isn't it?  Well....yes...except that codes and statutes are not real law, remember?

Here's a good example of good ol' legal brainwashing for you.  The prosecution, by the way, uses questions just like these to pick (and, of course, excuse) prospective jurors for your trials.  Let's see how you answer these (and remember, there aren't 20 other people, including a judge, in the court room that you're worried about knowing how you'd answer them...so be honest!):

1.  The "Law" says that the speed limit is 60 m.p.h., and Bill is nailed doing 65 m.p.h.  Bill takes the matter to court, and asks for a jury trial on the matter.  How do you find Bill, guilty, or not guilty?

You said guilty right?  Fair enough.  OK, how about THIS one?

2.  The "Law" says that the speed limit is 5 m.p.h., and Bill gets pulled over doing 6 m.p.h.  How do you find Bill now, guilty or not guilty?

For you stubborn and brainwashed folks, I'm sure you're still going with guilty.  A good amount of you, however, are probably sitting on the fence with your answer, and awaiting more possible details before you make up your minds.

Now, whaddya say we get REALLY stupid with this, and go with this one:

3.  The "Law" states that the speed limit is 5 m.p.h., and unless the current month starts with "D", it's the 2nd Sunday of the month, and it's after 3 p.m., if you're pulled over with your hand on your head going 5 m.p.h., you're guilty of speeding.  NOW how do you find Bill?

If you found Bill guilty of speeding all 3 times, we really gotta have a talk, you and I.  See, you said guilty, because you've been brainwashed to believe these three prominent facts of legal American life:

1.  The law is the law.  If you break the law, you're guilty.

2.  The law is the law because of the will of the "People".  The "People" includes you.

3.  If you're arrested, you were arrested because you broke the law, and you deserve what's coming to you.

What you'll come to discover as you get on in life (especially when YOU'RE the one getting arrested) are these ACTUAL facts, in opposition to those just mentioned:

1.  Just because it's a law, doesn't make it a GOOD, FAIR or JUST law (or an intelligently thought out or logical one.)

2.  Not every law (very few, I'll warrant) represents your personal stance, belief or opinion on the law in question.  Tops, perhaps, max, 500 people might have been involved in the authoring or the passing of the laws we encounter along the path.  Of those responsible for the championing of that law, I'm betting only half could even remember the law, let alone could they tell you a damn thing the law said.  Nine times out of ten - I'm sure they pass it, and forget it.

3.  You may go along with that whole "guilty as charged" thingy the first time you get arrested for something (if the offenses are minor ones), but spend a couple of years in jail for writing an angry letter (or text) to someone; or 50 years in jail for shooting someone who broke into your home to steal your things, and the tune you sing changes a lot.

Wow.  How easily we get off the subject, eh?  I suppose I could arrive at the point here, and polish this off:  The courts win out, and almost always these days, because they've been at this game for an awfully long time.  They have all of their strategies down pat, they know all of the tricks of their trade, they know all of the legal loopholes, and if they can't possibly win, and they know it?  Trust me, I know...they'll CHEAT to get the job done.  Who's gonna stop 'em?  You and your $20,000 in cash and equity?  Not likely...not against their UNLIMITED resources (your taxes, fines and fees), their "sovereign immunities," and their ever-slowly turning judicial wheels.

Then of course, there's those ever-prevalent brainwashing terms that have worked so well over the decades:  "You can't fight City Hall," "Shit Happens," "That's just the way it is!","It is what it is," "That's life!" and "The Law is the Law!"  Funny how none of these terms sound very intelligent or self-convincing when YOU'RE the one in jail, and no one will put up your bond.

Keep this in mind:  No matter how diligently you try to keep up with all of the "laws" that are passed these days, you'll never know them all.  Ignorance of these laws is most CERTAINLY an excuse.  Don't allow them to divert you from the path of logic, especially since the law is not only not YOUR law, by the majority, nor is the majority of the law - logical.  Most of all, try to keep in mind that it's likely that you didn't even have a clue, nor did you have a fingernail stuck into the pot when 99% of these laws were passed, discussed, debated, or even when they were twinkles in your legislator's eyes.

The way most of us find out what "laws" were passed, is when we're fined, ticketed or arrested for "breaking" them.  Law always appears as right and logical when sitting IN the jury box, but not nearly so much when you're in the defendant's chair outside of the jury box.

Unchecked (and unbalanced, as it very much is for the defendant these days), our judiciary and those who purport to uphold the law are all on a runaway train.  Put in on your bucket list to attend a "Public proceeding", on both a state and federal level.  Get involved, if you're looking to fill up some free time.  Be a court watcher (yes, this is a recognized thing now...generally you have to identify yourself as such somehow, either with ID or a name tag, but it can be done).  What you'll find might surprise you; like the fact that the court rooms where arraignments and the like (minor court hearings) are held are HUGE...and the ones that trials are held in have next to no seating, are hard to breath in, and are no bigger than most closets.  You'll also be asked what you're doing there (usually by the judge or the prosecution), or who you are.  Public proceedings, you'll find, are not so "Public" as they say they are, anymore.  Think there might be a reason for this?  Just because you've heard that "The System Works"...doesn't tell you who the system works...FOR  :D

Home Again, Home Again??

NOTE!!!  This article and the ones to follow were written during my last stint at the PCJ, and concern the time from August to the present date...so bear with me if the news seems a bit slow.

Hey America!  Here we are, back at my recent home away from home, yes, I'm talking about the Polk County "Polkie" again.

Now, you would think, that after the "Sheriff", Bill McCarthy read both of my jail articles 34 or better times, that things may have improved at the Polk County Jail, wouldn't you?  Well, for the most part, sadly...no.  One thing managed to improve, I'll just say it, so that some portion of this can be positive (granted, only for a moment or two)...hygiene lovers, rejoice!  Now, instead of the one-size-fits-all foam soap that used to be there for everything...body soap, shampoo, cleaning out your cups, etc. (I still have to wonder if this soap ever really got anything clean at all), now there's a new foam soap for hands, and a new wonderfully smelling soap gel for your shower needs.  Ummmm....thank you?  Of all of the things I talked about that were wrong in my recent "Polkie" articles, a couple of articles down from this one, you would probably imagine that 1000 or so better things could have improved.  Also, as they say, what good is it to go one step forward, if you're going to go two steps back, eh?

Step numero uno, Even though there's only one clock (that only around 1/5 of the whole jail pod can see from their cells), and no alarm clocks, the jail has ceased waking people up in the early morning to receive their medications, given out from 9-10 a.m.  Granted, most normal people in the world are up around this time...but this is a jail.  Worse yet, this is the Polk County Jail, where if you don't sleep half of your time away, you'll more than likely kill someone, due to lack of anything better to do with yourself while you wait to get your sub-standard and low-key kangaroo justice; which of course could be and usually is counter-expectant to YOUR version of justice, something I haven't noticed happens in Iowa much, unless you pay some rip-off attorney tens of thousands of dollars to do things for you that you could have probably done for yourself, had you read up on the circus they call "Law."  Like my buddy Theo Booker in L.A. always says, "I've seen Bigfoot more than I've seen justice in my state."  Anyway, should you not be able to rouse yourself in time, the med pass people will then consider your absence a refusal to take your meds;, then the next time you DO manage to get up, your meds may not be there for you to take.  Now, this would normally be no big deal for someone like me, who takes Prilosec for acid reflux once a day or something...but to those who sleep their day away because they take Seraquil, or take some kind of psychotropic drug, the results of even missing one med could be the difference between that guy getting into a simple argument, or him knocking out someone's teeth.  Worse yet, now, since they've stopped your meds because of your "refusal" to take them, you now have to spend more money off of your books to see the jail doctor AGAIN, and get your med script started AGAIN, etc.  Ces't la vie, s'pose, and such is life.  It more than likely won't be ME getting MY teeth kicked in anyway, since I'm more on the side of the inmates, and don't hassle people or talk to them like children.  No, the teeth kicking thing is more likely to happen to the more than abusive detention officers or the emergency response team.  Believe me, knowing a lot of these guys, I can't really say I'd be too upset about that anyway.

Speaking of Prilosec (step back numero dos), older male sufferers of acid reflux, a truly debilitating condition for some, like myself, are no longer offered a decent medicine for this as a once a day option.  When it was available, you only had to take it once, in the morning.  It was prescribed you when you told the nurse during your initial FREE visit, before you were assigned a permanent holding pod.  Now, it doesn't matter what you tell her to start off with, you have to now claim to be sick of this later, so that you have to see the nurse again, which, of course, incurs additional costs.  Not only that, but instead of a once a day med, you are now prescribed something different...TUMS.  6 of them, during the course of the day, and over a span of 3 med calls.  Let alone the fact that TUMS relieves your acid discomfort for what, like 5 whole minutes; and you now have to wait 3-4 hours for 2 more, or overnight.  Nice.  Reminds me of taking 1 generic aspirin to relieve a migraine, or 2 Advils to take care of broken back pain.

But I digress.  How did I end up back in jail you ask?  A funny story, that one (ha freekin' ha), one I'm just dyin' to tellya too.

Also let it be said that this most current arrest was most cruel, most foul, and most ridiculous, and only involved 3 little misdemeanors, all simple.  Rest assured that I did, for maximum spite, and since I had to sit out the rest of my sentence anyway...probation, of course, did not pan out, as I predicted...ask for a jury trial.  You'll see why soon enough, right after my story.

*Mr. Bruce gets a starry look in his eye, as he goes WAYYYY back for the story on this one...*

Once upon a time, right before I met my current wife of 7 or so years, I met a guy we'll call Gary...or as I affectionately call him now, Gary the Doctor.  I call him that, mainly because he is, of course, now a doctor.  Anyway, he and I were both living at the YMCA at the time, and he was studying to be a doctor, probably one of the hardest professions a next to homeless type guy could study and succeed at - and he did succeed, much to my surprise.  I was, of course, duly impressed, and attempted to keep up with him as much as I was able as the years rolled on.

Anyway, after getting all of his necessary degrees, Doctor Gary moved into a rather swanky downtown location, unbeknownst to me.

Later, the wife and I moved into our own little corner of downtown hell, the Elliot Apartments, still owned by and notoriously run by one of the more slummy landlords of fame here in Des Moines, a guy named Jim Nahaus Jr., a slimeball, and the son of the more famous and much more kindly Jim Nahaus Sr.  This rat bastahd conned my wife into signing us out of our apartment, then threw out all of our hard-attained belongings as well.  He has a team of lawyers (you'd need those, with the kind of stuff he pulled on his tenants), deserves a special apartment of his very own in Hell, and it wouldn't surprise me if he wasn't sitting at the feet of his father on his deathbed at the time he died, wringing his hands while awaiting his fortune to pass onto him.  Again...I digress.

In this home, whole we still lived there, there resided a nosy little gossipy woman named Nancy Elscott.  This woman attempted to make our acquaintance a few times, chatting us up in the elevator, etc., but someone had warned us early on that this woman was notorious for ratting out residents for things that went against the building rules when she didn't like you (which was impossible to ascertain, whether she did or did not); and sometimes, even when she DID like you.  We then proceeded to avoid her like the plague.  We never did know until later just how smart that decision would prove to be.

Nancy Elscott

Several weeks into the lease, the elevator doors opened to me the sight of my old friend, none other than Gary the Doctor, after a significant time of his being absent in our lives.  After slapping each other on the back and catching up a bit, we exchanged cell numbers and Gary then chose to inform me that he was dating someone right in my building, and that it was likely that I would be seeing him more often.  I was, of course, quite OK with that.

Another day or so later, more towards thanksgiving, the elevator opened for me again to Gary the Doctor.  I was thrilled...until I noticed the cancer growth that was stitched to his arm.  It was none other than Nancy Elscott.  My mind raced to tell him to run far far away, but out of respect for his apparent happiness, I bit my tongue....HARD, and figured I'd catch him on his way up to see her someday, alone.

That never happened.  The leech Nancy was attached full-time to Gary's arm.  They were inseparable, which did absolutely nothing for my opinion of Gary...Could he be so blind??  It didn't take me more than 2.2 seconds to verify what I'd heard...but I chalked it up to a hard-working and very tired man who couldn't make things out so well - being an intern at 60 could do that to a guy, I reasoned.  So once again, I kept my impossibly open mouth zipped tightly shut, hoping he would finger things out on his own.

I saw Gary and Nancy together a few more times, on towards Christmas.  The biggest thing that I noticed was, that Gary was spending an awful lot of money on Nancy...and every time I saw this, it seemed that Nancy was less appreciative about it, was nastier to my friend on subsequent occasions, and acted a whole lot more every day like a spoiled rotten brat.

Finally, one day, Doctor Gary called me to inform me that he was breaking off the Elscott-induced engagement he'd been duped into (I hadn't been notified of this, as yet) for pretty much the exact same reasons I just put out there.  I was quite relieved that I hadn't had to be the one to open his eyes to what was going on, he pretty much figured it out all on his own...thank the Good Lord, and all the heavenly hosts.

Nancy, on the other hand, was very hurt over losing Doctor Gary, and, looking for anyone that she could blame for it that wasn't her, of course, landed the blame squarely on MY head.  This would begin a years long war between us that existed for no better reason that, because I was there...and Gary was disturbingly absent.

Fast forward to the present day, I got out of jail on July fourth, as you all know.  As you also all well know, I didn't care much for Iowa probation.  I had gone to sign up the following day (no one told me where to go, or who to see, by the way...I had to ask another inmate for the information to avoid an immediate violation), and spent around 5 minutes listening to the guy tell me what was required of me (besides the $300 start up costs they IMMEDIATELY hit me with the moment I hit the door...I believe the secretary's exact words were "Ah, Mr. Bruce, you're expected...would you happen to have that $300 with you to sign up for probation?  We're gonna need that pretty quickly, so if you could get that to us right away please...")  Aside from that, he informed me that they didn't have probation in Carroll, and wanted me to go 60 miles away...with no car...to the Ames probation office.  My response in kind went to the tune of "Are you nuts; sounds like a personnel problem; and I'm not doing this"...and my walking out of the office.

Oh, and, imperative to our story, as soon as I decided NOT to do probation, I immediately submitted a letter to the judge telling him that I was staying in Des Moines, and to revoke me and put me back in jail.  He then set a court date for August 18th for my revocation hearing.  Then, after we had left Carroll, IA, the Ames office sent a letter to my home where I no longer lived, saying I had a probation appointment in Ames, for probation I did not sign up for and asked to be revoked from.  When I didn't show for the appointment, the Ames probation office filed with the court requesting a warrant for me, for probation violation.  I noticed this, and wrote the judge AGAIN, reminding him that I was in Des Moines, and due to attend a hearing for revocation, and to NOT put out a warrant.  Then, without notification, the judge put out a warrant for me ANYWAY...wow.

The next step I took from there was to call my wife to tell her to get packed, because we were going to move back to Des Moines, since it was more convenient to come see me when I went back to jail for the remainder of my sentence.  I didn't want to participate in wearing an Iowa collar, just so that they could yank me back into jail anytime they damn well felt like it, or if they didn't like what I was doing at the time.  The judge had already informed me that my first violation would be a whopping 90 days (for normal people, that would have been 30 days), and would increase exponentially for each subsequent violation...yeah, no thank you.

After moving my wife to Des Moines, should would have to, unfortunately, until this feat was accomplished, would have to be transferred and uprooted from her cooshy job, and would have to take up residence at the local and ONLY homeless shelter - at least, the only one that doesn't force you to engage in a monkly religious program for months before you can even start working again.  I, on the other hand, had been banned from the same homeless shelter for life - they had lost $300 of my belongings, and beings that had been all I had at the time, and had just recently been caused to be homeless by DHS when they STOLE my wife's only daughter, I may have jumped off of my rocker just a wee.  Icing on the cake, they didn't find it...until AFTER the police trespassed me off of the property.

I, thank God, had an ace up my sleeve for the doggie and I...there was a good friend of mine that loved my little TT, and after ringing his bell, he opened his door wide to us.  You remember TT, don'tcha?  If not, take note...since he becomes a major star in our story, henceforth.

We had only one little problem.  Much to our dismay, Nancy Elscott also resided in this same complex, and, it would be discovered later, lived one floor up from my friend Richard's apartment.  True to her nature, and without my knowledge, she began calling the apartment manager's offices, which were located right next door, and ratted me and my doggy out.

Within a week, my friend received his first friendly letter from the management of NEWBERRY LIVING, telling him that he couldn't have anyone else staying with him; even though in his lease it stated that he could house someone for a 14 day limit, that wasn't on it; and I had not, by this time, even been there that long.  More than this, he was also accused of housing an unapproved dog without paying an excessive $600 pet deposit.

NEWBERRY LIVING's LOGO...make sure you look for this!!

Being that I only required a short time to get housing before I was re-jailed, I decided on fight rather than flight.  I first went to the managers and nicely plead out my friend's case, informing them that we would only be there a little while, until I got an apartment.  In short, I attempted to appeal to their better natures.  Little did I know that they did not have better natures, and told me that I would have to vacate the premises without fail, in short order.  I then told my friend that I would be OK, and would be sneakier.  He acquiesced.  I took his keys, and took the doggy out the back where Nancy would not be watching; yet I suppose the managers were looking out, because when I passed their windows, they were wide open...unlike before, when they were always shut, to keep prying eyes out.  They also took to spying on poor Richard...good one eh?...and myself right at the apartment door, and drove around the block a lot when their hands got full of Nancy's irritating voice telling them my every move.

I had planned to leave that very week anyway, but before I could, another knock came at my friend's door.  We were pretty sure we knew who it was...and we were, of course, correct.  The managers had come to deliver yet another love letter.  God, I wish I had a copy of that letter, it was illegal as HELL.  Instead, we'll just show you the trespass order that was given to my wife....who wasn't living there:

Richard, the apartment resident, as well as myself, were both veterans of the armed forces.  To say the very least, this behavior by this complex was duly abhorrent.  I did absolutely nothing wrong, wasn't being noisy or unruly, and avoided the other tenants of the complex at all times.

My friend Richard was threatened with unlawful eviction...and they handed US (my wife wasn't even staying there, by the way) trespass papers, forbidding our return to the property, just 3 days shy of our getting a place.  So...Mr. Bruce (me) decided to vacate the premises, in order to save my friend from eviction...and got inventive for revenge.

I proceeded to toss a blanket out on the boardwalk wide sidewalk, next to the street out of the way of foot traffic, next to the bus bench and the parking meters.  I laid out my doggy's bowls, and filled them with food and water...and made sure I was staring directly into Nancy Elscott's Apartment; and could, for effect, once the office opened, be able to turn my head sideways to stare down the managers of the apartments, when they arrived as well.  The plan was to stay put until the upcoming paycheck, and of course, torture the management for putting me and my cute doggy out.

So, the next morning, I am sitting on my little protest blanky, and I wake to see the police.  They're there to investigate a robbery...and don't say a word to me.

Two hours later, a K-9 unit pulls up on me, and asks if I'm OK, because someone called in, worried about li'l ol' me.  Nice.  I prove that I'm just fine, and ask if I'm breaking any laws.  He says nope, and moves on.

In the next hour, I notice that there's a lot of movement going on with the apartment building and the management office.  The maintenance guy is outside, then someone pulls up to the offices, then the management comes over, then the manager and Nancy go to the management office and back....and I know that my time is about done.  They're trying to get me pissed off so I'll act out, so I'll get arrested...but of course, since I've figured it out, I just sit there, and smile...

Then a snotty little bike cop...Kyle Thies, of the Des Moines Police Department, pulls up on his bicycle, and says to me "What are you doing here?"  I say..."Uhhhh,,,,pettin' my dog, minding my own business?"  Then I give him the rundown on the situation honestly, and was completely amiable about it.  He says I can't be there, cause I'm trespassing.  I say I'm not trespassing, I'm on the public sidewalk, and not obstructing traffic in any fashion.  He then changes the story, and says I'm loitering.  I ask him to show me the no loitering signs, and he says there doesn't have to be any for me to be loitering...and this, of course, is new to me. Then he makes his mistake.  He gets on the horn, and calls in to have the ARL get my cute little harmless dog.  Keep in mind, no arrests have been made, nor have any legitimate crimes been mentioned.

I then called 911 and let them know that I was being harassed.  In the middle of my complaint, they hang up.  It's not an emergency, because it involves an officer, evidently.

I then gathered up my stuff, and went on down the road.  I turned, and went about another half a block...and I saw the entire management team of Newberry Living, and Nancy Elscott, following along...I turned and flipped them off.

4 seconds later, bike boy comes streaking around the corner and says I'm under arrest for disorderly conduct.  I tell him he's nuts, and called 911 again.  Again, they hung up on me.  He enlists the help of the police officer guarding the construction zone next door, Cole Johnson, and puts me under arrest, pushes me on the ground, then ties my dog up.

Meanwhile, the wife is coming down the hill.  I tell her to grab our dog before the ARL comes to get him.  Officer Thies then threatens her with arrest if she even reaches for our dog.  She's there to take him, and they won't give him up.

By the way, the dog was taken by the ARL.  They gave him shots that he didn't need, and registered him to be in Des Moines.  He was already registered in Carroll.  They charged us $100, and, after only 2 days, had him ready to go into foster care.  What is it about the people I love (my dog and my daughter) that everyone wants to take them and put them in foster care???  Here's the ARL paper for that:

My wife then asks if its OK to gather up my things, and he gives her permission to do so.  Then, he asks me for my name...I tell him to get bent.  He's taking me dog, arresting me on bull spit, and threatening my wife.  FUCK HIM!!  KNOW WHAT HAPPENS?  He rips my computer bag out of my wife's hands and starts going through it to find papers that have my name on them.  He finds one...and calls it in.  Naturally, THIS is when I find out there's a warrant for my arrest for probation violation.  'Magine that.

The charges on this one?  Disorderly Conduct...making a loud or raucous noise (I swore at someone, in the vicinity of a residence).  Calling 911 with no emergency.  And Harassment of a public official.  Let's have some fun with these, OK?

First of all, disorderly conduct, making a loud and raucous noise.  Now, Webster's Collegiate defines raucous as loud and hoarse, or boisterous.  Are you forreal?  This is a crime now???    If that's the case friends, we can be arrested just about anywhere.  At the bar, at concerts...as the Band at the concerts, at the state fair...just about anywhere we might get loud or raucous.  How about construction areas, don't they tend to make loud raucous noises, as they put things up and tear them down again?  Let's not even go to driving trucks and semis, or car racing, or demolition derbies, lots of raucousness going on there...Airplanes...police and ambulance sirens, anyone there get arrested?  Comedians...now THERE's a loud and raucous bunch.  Gimme a break.  As for swearing at someone in the vicinity of a residence...where exactly is there NOT a residence (the only possible exception being a business or an office park); and for that matter, he had best get busy, because there are approximately 322,000,000 other Americans he had best arrest as well.  Why bother with speeding tickets, arresting people for swearing at others has got to be a whole lot easier, and more lucrative, doesn't it?

Let's move on to calling 911 without an emergency.  Now first off, I called 911 twice, more than likely because I didn't have to have the non-emergency number emblazoned on my palm, or handy in my wallet.  Everyone knows that the number for the police is 911.  But, I'm guessing, it's not an emergency if a police officer is the one committing the crimes, right?  If anyone else were stalking and harassing me, stealing my dog (when another owner was there to take him home), and threatening my wife, they'd be arrested on the spot.  Oh, and after the first call, did either the operator or the officer straighten me out on what number to call?  Nope.  And how about the management office people, did they get arrested for calling 911 on ME, for the crime of laying on a blanket in front of their building, for not having an emergency?  Hell no.

Last but certainly not least, there's my favorite, harassment of a public official, a crime I would have normally been really proud of, mostly because cops who bully lower classed citizens deserve harassment; but this bike king was nothing better than a piece of smelly doggy-doo that I wouldn't ask my puppy to poop out, nor would I consider this moron cop worthy of of hanging off of my summer foot thong, should'st I be fortunate enough to step in him.  Let alone, I got charged with this for not giving him my name, because he knew...that I KNEW that I had a warrant for my arrest....whatever dood.  So this cop is a mind-reader then...Robocop.

Folks, there will be payback for this...no, no, I don't wish to spoil it.  Let's just say, before I move far far away from Des Moines (IN 10 Days), I will have that revenge...and it will be served COLD...well, mostly because it IS cold..will it be against the law?  Hardly.  Will it be a happy time for all involved?  Of Course Not.  :D

The Fed Funny Farm, Part II

Judge Robert Blink

Judge William A. Price

Judge Anastasia Baker Hurn...and friend

Judge Carol S. Egly...and believe me, she looks worse in person.

Linda Lane, Asst. County Prosecutor

How nice of Judge Blink.

So here's the deal kids, on August 18th, there's to be another hearing, where they intend to put me back in jail for another 8 months.  Well, thanks to the judge for giving me all of this time, I don't intend to let it happen.

As you have already learned, or soon will, they have denied us the restoration of our parental rights (I never had any, evidently, they vacated my appeal...I wasn't a party, so they aren't able to terminate my rights, since I wasn't the bio father).  Soon enough, every document concerning that case will go up, as well as all documents concerning all of my recent criminal cases.  It's important that America knows the funny stuff they pull on us regular folk, when they don't like what we're doing; exposing their criminal behavior.

Soon enough, I will be pow-wowing with powerful legal minds to file 3 cases in federal court.  One for the Juvenile case (writs a plenty, the Habeas and Certeriori), and 2 for the criminal cases (same writs, along with one for prohibition and mandamus), to ensure that I do no more time for those.  Finally, we will be harassing the United States Attorney's office to file charges of conspiracy and criminal actions against those of Polk County.  This should be loads of fun.

Just because I love for mine enemies to know what's comin' down the pike, here are the things we will be addressing concerning our criminal cases:

1.  There were supposed to be No Contact Orders filed against me for Mark Worthington, and one for Linda Lane.  Of course, there can't legally be one for Ms. Lane, not until she's no longer affiliated with my cases.  As for Mark Worthington, well, he's been continually harassing me and my family ever since the court case, so the courts will have to answer as to why no charges have been filed.

2.  There were documents of mine pulled out of my misdemeanor case, and the court's which look nothing like my other motions filed, we're put in, and the record of the court was changed.  Uh oh.  Looks like fraud upon the court, hmm?

3.  Depositions weren't done, nor was it ever insinuated by my stand-by attorney that they should have been.

4.  200 of my 215 pieces of evidence were dismissed as irrelevant, and 29 of my 40 witnesses were allowed to get out of testifying, all on a Friday...before the Monday trial.

5.  Documents that I asked my stand-by attorney to file for me...never got filed.

6.  I asked that a new trial be asked for, because the jury was more than likely tainted in their guilty decision because of a Des Moines Register article, written just before the jury went into deliberations, that lumped me in with murderous domestic terrorists, called 'Sovereign Citizens'...a phrase I've never used to identify myself...and was never asked for by my stand-by attorney.

7.  I should have gotten a jury trial in my misdemeanor case...and never did.

8.  The judge, Anastasia Hern, was biased, per Judge Price.

9.  Challenges of jurisdiction were not properly answered, and didn't occur until nearly 3 weeks after my arrest.

10.  My pro-se and civil, natural and constitutional rights, as well as my due process, was continually denied me.

As for the Juvenile appeal, well, you know about that.  If you don't, there's hell to pay, and I intend to tender the bill, very soon.

Again, this should be a blast.  Thank God, federal cases only cost around $5 a pop, or this could have been expensive.

I don't believe I'll be going back to jail, tankyooberrymutts.  I'll letcha know how it goes....ok

The Polk County "Polkie", Part (B) - July 2016 - A Day In The Life at the PCJ

https://www.polkcountyiowa.gov/sheriff/news-press-releases/polk-county-jail-excelled-in-four-critical-inspections/

Hey America, welcome back!  It's July, and an update that will be completed AFTER July 4th (my release date) can be found below, after the usual asterisks  For those that didn't read last months' fare, we were in the middle of slamming the Polk County Jail, where I have been unlawfully detained for the 4th time in over a year and 3 months now.  is this the last time, you ask?  Oh hell no.  No, I will be out now doing Iowa probation for 2, possibly 3 years, more if they violate me.  When a violation happens (and it WILL happen), it will be the only time.  After that, I will ask that my probation be revoked, so that I don't end up in jail longer than the intended year that I was originally sentenced to receive.  There will be no 2nd violation.  Instead, I will go to jail to do the remainder of my sentence (one year, minus the time I've done already), in order to be finally free of the corruption in this state and all it entails.  I will, prior to that first violation, do as much (legal) damage to mine enemies as possible before they slam me up again, trust that.  The first order of business will be to maximize viewership of both America's Deadly Sins and, particularly, blog the 2nd, "Iowa, and more importantly, Des Moines, Iowa" which can be found HERE:

http://desmoinesandiowathevenusflytrap.blogspot.com/

Again, if you don't feel like sticking around for the Polk County Jail roast to follow, skip on down under the stars (the asterisks at the bottom of the article, remember?) below.  Someone is bound to read this drivel, that I promise.  Do I look worried to you?  'Cause I'm not.

Now, where were we...Oh yeah - A Day In The Life.  Whose life, you ask?  Why, mine, of course.  Add me to around 16,000 other inmates in only this county in only this state, in only one year, and you just begin to see the true problems, not only with the judiciary that puts us here, but with the entire prison system itself.  i'll just say this folks - if you're not convinced of the issues with jail and prison after this mini-series (due to extend for another 2 articles following this one), then you may just be that asleep, that brain-jacked or that stupid, after all.

For those of you wondering if you should come back for August and September, or just reach for the stars every month hereafter?  In August, we'll talk about the ridiculous things we Iowans are arrested for and their related Iowa Code sections, and add to that the fraudulent things the police, the courts and the D.O.C. (Department of "Corrections") are doing to make sure these charges stick to you, and keep you comin' back for more, later down the pike...whether you plead out or go to trial to try and beat them.  In September, we'll be covering state and federal prisons, and all the "out-inmate" options:  The Fort, Bridges, work release, probation, parole, etc...and why none of these programs work; but are instead just there to bring in more money for the state from the Federal Government...and your pocketbooks, inadvertently.

This article, in following the previous one, will discuss in full detail every moment, awake or asleep, of life in the Polk County Jail, the variables that factor into that life, and what we endure...day in, day out, month after month; for what could very well be years, if you're waiting for the Feds to come and get you.  If you need the preamble (from June), it's just one article down, on this same page.  But first, let's go over a few key points in preface to this:

CHAIN OF COMMAND

The chain of command is fairly easy and predictable, and is color-coded there for better understanding.  the C.O.'s in tan shirts are our "den mothers", the "low men on the totem pole."  These folks are half responsible for checking us in, classifying us, answering questions (that we may or may not get an answer to) and making sure we are given what little they are allowed to give us.  They do the very least, and are, almost literally paid baby-sitters.  Very well paid paid baby-sitters, but baby-sitters, none the less.

Next, we have the inmate workers; dressed in lime green and dark grey.  Over them are "The gray shirts,", on the same level as the "tan" shirts.  These C.O.'s are in charge of the inmate workers AND their own special pod.  Generally the same 6-8 people oversee the worker pod.  The workers get 2 days of discharged time for every 10 days they work, are not charged the $60 a day for room and board that the rest of the populace are, and can eat as much jail food as they want to...yum yum.  Oh, I feel it's important to mention that the worker pod is not for everyone, like it is in most prisons; no, they are very picky on who they have work for them.  If you have even been CHARGED with a violent crime...not convicted, CHARGED....you can't work for the jail.  If you don't get along with everyone like an angel...you can't work for the jail.  If you've had discipline problems (didn't roll over and go b-a-a-a-a...like you should), you can't work for the jail.  C'mon guys....maybe you have discipline problems BECAUSE NO ONE CAN WORK OFF THE TIME THEY'RE IN, YA THINK?  Unless you're a 5th degree shoplifter, chances are you won't be working for the jail.  Work should be a requirement.  Otherwise, you just sit around and think of stupid things to do...mainly because there isn't anything to do.

Fun flies when you're doing time, right?

On quite another plane altogether is the last of the bottom-dwellers, the "Red Team".  These are the jail's official "bouncers."  They're called when folks threaten to hurt themselves or others...or when they ARE hurting themselves or others.  They're also called in if the C.O. on duty deems it necessary, and to handle other duties as well, such as shake-downs and moving prisoners around the jail.

All of these lower folks fall under a predictable chain of command.  Sergeants (in black dress shirts) oversee all the lower C.O.'s.  Above them are three lieutenants and a captain, in white dress shirts.  Above the white shirts is the Chief Jailer (someone I've never seen....Joe somebody or other), and above him is the figurehead sheriff, who obviously never is involved in any aspect of the jail, whether running it or overseeing it....Bill McCarthy, the mystery sheriff...who I imagine knows about as much about this jail as you do...or did, after I get finished with you.

JAIL GIVENS

Also worth mentioning are the "Givens" of everyday life at the Polk County Jail:  3 shift changes, 3 mealtimes, 3 pill distribution times, a wake-up and a beddy-bye time.

Monday, North 8 Pod

Unless you need to go to the restroom or get a drink of the nasty water, you cannot get up between 10:30 p.m. and 5:30 a.m.  If you wake up early, you are forced to remain in your cell.  Most C.O.'s won't do anything for you until the lights come on.  The lights come on at 5:30, and breakfast happens at 6:00 a.m.  As you may (or may not) remember, razors can be gotten between 5:30 and 6:00 a.m.  Breakfast will not begin until all razors are returned to the C.O., and all inmates are seated.  You are awakened if still asleep.

"Breakfast" consists of a cup of cereal, 2 slices of bread, a small squeeze packet of peanut butter, and a restaurant-sized packet of jelly, always mixed fruit or grape flavored.  Once or twice a month, you'll get a single egg with your breakfast, or a half of a banana.  The cereal is either frosted flakes, honey-nut Cheerios, or Hy-Vee Fruit Loops.  Also given you is a half of a gallon of OJ and a half of a gallon of milk per 6 inmates (which evens out to around 8 oz. of each per inmate...if everyone is being kind and generous, and if everyone is using only the brown 8 oz. cups that were given you, instead of the 16 oz. soup cups)  From what I've gathered, this breakfast costs the jail an average of $.19 cents per inmate per day.  I believe it.  Even if the price tag were a dollar a day, considering I'm paying Polk County $60 for "room and board" at this jail (in addition to the $142 per inmate per day that the Federal Government is paying them to keep us there as long as possible) I should be getting waffles, an omelet and breakfast in bed.

Instead, I am ordered to remain seated 'til the cart holding our 64 trays, stacked lovingly on top of each other; comes by, and the C.O. allows our table to get up and get it.  Bunk #'s 1-10 are ordered to clean up the mess, and must tell the C.O. what chore they'd like to do:  tables, sweeping, mopping, dust pan or trash.

After breakfast, court go'ers are called to leave around 6:45 a.m.  At this point in time, we will be taking the first of many detours we'll be taking in this article, in order to cover this little pleasure in greater detail.

Anyone attending court between 8-10:30 a.m. leaves the PCJ at 6:45 a.m.  You are waist and wrist cuffed before moving to the front of the jail to await transport.

Some of us will be attending court right here in the jail, as most would after they are booked in within 24 hours of being arrested).  In this case, you simply stay put.  you appear in front of the judge at the jail or at the Polk County courthouse, fully chained (with leg cuffs as well, if you're going to the courthouse).  If you have to attend court at the courthouse (without a jury present), you are kept in full chains (foot, waist and wrist) until you arrive back at the PCJ. If your court time is one of the first to take place, you may get lucky enough to be back for lunch at the jail (if you prefer to call that lucky, anyway).  If not, lunch at the old jail (where you are taken to wait for your hearing) consists of a 10 oz. carton of milk, and a "triple-decker" sandwich.  Between bread pieces one and two are a single piece of meat.  Between bread pieces 2 and 3 is a single piece of processed cheese.  Yum....ME!!

Fortunately, if you are to appear in front of a jury, you're allowed to wear dress clothes and not required to wear chains.  If this is the case, then why not all of the time?  I would think the line to a suspect would be a lot more direct for a sheriff if less people are present, so why do chains need to be on for jury-less hearings?  Wouldn't a defendant be a lot more dangerous if there were more people in the room?  I would imagine so!  I'm sure the number of times a defendant goes off on a tangent is more so with a room full of people, added to the danger to them becoming hostages.  Anyway...

Let's get back to the PCJ.

After breakfast, you are allowed to move around until shift change.  you are then ordered back to your bunk until the new C.O. comes on, around 7;45 a.m.  The phones come on at 8:00 a.m. (after you're allowed to move around again).

Now, let's take detour #2, the phone fun.  When you get to your first "Barney Land" pod (see the first part of this series, from June), if you want to use their phones, you need to register to use them, using voice recognition.  One of the biggest ways the prosecution in Polk County gets you is through their access to your phone calls (and the numbers you call), your visits, and your use of their mail system.  Every letter going out (not addressed to a lawyer or a judge) is read.  Every letter coming in is opened.  Every phone call and visit is now monitored, recorded, and can now be used against you in a court of law.  They consider every phone call you make like an interrogation now, and read you your Miranda rights...both to you, and to your caller.  Should you have a conversation with your wife (which used to be known as 'marital privilege') or are your own lawyer (pro-se, meaning any conversations you might have about your case with someone would be "work-product privilege") no longer matters now.  A judge will now say that if you use their phone to make phone calls, you now subject yourself to them going against you.  So what they're really saying is, the rights you have on the outside (or used to have anyway...even then I wonder) you don't have in jail, you have no rights at all; as well as NO OTHER WAY to communicate with anyone on the outside.  They say "if you use the jail's phone" like you have another choice.  You don't.  Your choice is use their phones, and quite possibly get in more trouble (or get others in trouble)...or don't communicate with your loved ones at all.  Nice right?  Don't forget this:  Local phone calls (which just went up AGAIN before my release) are now $3.00 each.  In other areas or area codes in Iowa, I've seen phone calls run as high as $4.00 to connect...and $.45 a minute...NO JOKE.  Anything else anywhere in the country?  $.21 a minute.  Somebody in Iowa's makin' money hand over fist, hmm??

Back to the main highway.

At 9-9:30 a.m. you are woke up again for "Med Pass".  Shit!  Another detour?  So soon?

Yes kids, it's Medical.  Now, when you are "fishbowl" bound, you see Medical, right away (after you sit there for about 12 or better hours, I mean).  This visit's on the house.  After this, you're charged $5-$10 for each time they have to come and see you (they come 3 times a day anyway...so why are you charged at all?)  To get them to return, you have to fill out a "Kite."  Now wait a minute...a kite...we mentioned this in my last article, and promised to address this, didn't we?  Well, buckle your seats again.  We're already detoured, so I suppose now we're going to have to 4-wheel it off the road this time.

A "kite" is a request you make of the jail...simple as that.  Whether for medical, for a law book, a haircut, or for medical...whatever, a kite is a request of the jail to do something for you; but yeah, you guessed it, nothing is ever this simple at the Polk County Jail, or Polk County, period.

Being someone who has (now) had personal experience about this "award-winning" jail and its operations, let me now tell you how kites and their elevated parents, 'Grievances', really work out.

If your request is an easy one, has a definite "No" answer, and doesn't involve a C.O. or their superiors, you receive an answer almost immediately.  If you're deathly ill or dying, you should get a response sometime in 24 hours (In case you're wondering if I'm joking, I don't believe I am).  If your kite or grievance involves a difficult staff member or is tough for them to handle (or, in contrast, makes your life better or easier in any way), it might never be addressed.

When I first discovered kites and grievances (more of those things you have to figure out on your own), I spent 5 whole days filling out 10 kites a day, asking for the same 10 things...for experimental purposes.  out of those 50 kites I put in (after waiting nearly 2 weeks for the first response to come in...these come in your "mail" when they're answered) 4 requests happened in a normal time span (I was allowed to visit the "Law Library...a small room with some law books in it and a computer that doesn't have spell check or the internet on it on which you can design legal documents, I received a law book I asked for nearly 3 weeks after the kites asking for it, etc.), 2 "No" answers for the simple things, and the other 44 were never addressed, in any way shape or form.  Later, I wrote a letter to the Sheriff (The Captain of the Jail?) and the Captain responded back stating that all 50 of my kites had been addressed.  By whom and how are still a great mystery to all, to this day.

The next step up from kites are "Grievances."  These are more likely to get results, but not if:

1.  The C.O. you have a problem with (the reason for the majority of grievances are about them, and they are the ones who enter your grievance in the computer) is still on duty and won't submit it or enter it into the computer (that said, how would you know if he ever did?)

2.  In involves something that's wrong with the jail or its staff, wrongdoing against you by the staff or involves the direct violation or deprivation of your rights, or

3.  It is entirely too difficult to address or helps you in any way.

Lastly, there are 2 steps above these, but as it has been discovered by me, these are almost the exact same thing:  Writing to the Chief Jailer (Joe Simon), whom no one has ever seen, or even knows if he exists; and writing to the Sheriff himself...and he doesn't write you back, the Captain of the C.O.'s does...so why bother?

One more thing about kiting and grievances, and I'm done, I swear.  Not long ago, I kited for a box for my papers, during the 2nd half of my 5 month stint in the PCJ (I had been out for 2 weeks and had to go back after sentencing, remember?).  Now, keep in mind, I had a box during the first 3 months of my stay - I had filed 200 plus pieces of evidence in my case, and they told me time and time again to just kite for one; and I got one.  This time around, I had quite a stack going, but when the C.O. got around to addressing it this time, he said I didn't have enough paper to warrant having a box, and that my stack would have to just keep getting bigger.  Towards the end of the same day, someone decided that it would be funny to take the majority of my stack and put it under the door of the locked "Blue Room".  I finally was told where they were, and got them back, but until that time, I of course thought they had been stolen.  Because of this, and because I had, the same day, been denied a box earlier, I asked for a grievance form to make my displeasure with this known.

Prior to your receiving a grievance form, the C.O. on duty (the one you may very well have a problem with) has been given the power to decide whether your grievance is deserved, and whether the thing or person that you have a problem with is a "Grievable offence".  According to their own rule book, it shows a grievance to be defined as "an official statement of a complaint over something believed to be wrong or unfair."  Now, I don't know about you, but that tells me that just about EVERYTHING is a grievance, to you....isn't it?  How then should the C.O. be involved?  Worse yet, the C.O. himself could be the problem...couldn't he?  So how is it right that he should be able to decide if your problem should be complained about at all?  'Nuff said.

Anyway, after filling out a grievance, I was told that boxes weren't issued to inmates...which is funny, since I was known as "Bruce, the Box" for almost 3 months.  I was denied the box.  I grievanced again, and explained that I had one before, and, when I had kited for one previously, a couple of weeks before that, I was told that I didn't have enough papers to get the box...that no one issues to inmates.  How, I asked, could I be denied something that they didn't issue?  He stated, in answer to this one, that the matter had already been decided...box denied.  Great huh?

Let's move back to Medical.

After you "see" medical, you are then, more than likely, placed on some sort of medicine, and are now the unwitting participant in "Med-Passes"; once, twice or three times a day.  This shouldn't concern anyone not receiving meds...but it does.  Evidently, someone did something wrong to a nurse, to the cart with the meds on it, or to the meds themselves, because now the entire pod is required to "bunk-up" every time the med cart arrives, unless you're receiving some...whether there are 20 people getting meds..or even just one.

The first time, the biggest one, happens at 9:-9:30 a.m, just after being sent to your bunks 2 hours earlier for the first shift change.

At 11:00 a.m., the phones go off again, because phone calls are usually 20 minutes, and lunch comes at 11:30.  So?  Let's do lunch.

Lunch consists of not a whole lot that resembles what others might call "food."  The closest meal to real food is a taco tray.  This holds true for dinner trays as well.  The average dish resembles a goulash or mish-mash of noodles, rice, veggies and or "meat".  The jail has a set menu spanning 6 weeks.  Almost all the food served you is either processed, fake, canned, or pressed, and has no obvious nutritional value whatsoever.  If you have nothing extra you've bought from the commissary to eat, you can count on being hungry again after each meal, usually within the hour.  Lunch trays have a single sugar-free drink packet on them, which only flavors an 8 oz. glass of water...tops.  Drinking straight water here isn't a viable option.

Besides your "main" and "drink", you get one veggie-style side, 2 pieces of bread and butter (only one with certain meals) and a "fruit" desert.

So much for lunch....yuchy.

After lunch, Bunks 1-10 clean again, and the phones come back on at 12 p.m.

Now is probably the best time for a shower.  Before this can happen, it's probably best that you soap up and scrub the shower floor, move off the nasty clothes of others that are hung here to dry off (for those who don't like the awful smell of laundered clothing, or if it's been forever since laundry has last been around), and chase of the 20 or so black flies that have nested around the shower area.

After being oogled at for 20 or so minutes, there's another shift change (bunk-up!) at 3:30, another med-pass between 4 and 4:30 (bunk up!), the phones go off at 5, and din-din is called at 5:30 p.m.  Care to join us?

Tonight, we're having 4 processed meatballs and fake mashed potatoes for the main; canned green beans, 2 slice of bread and butter, apples for one desert...and apple crisp (with the same apples) for the 2nd desert.  The difference between lunch and dinner?  You get one extra dessert...even if it's using the same thing as the other desert.  Interesting.

By the way, it's said that Lunches and Dinners run around $.59 cents a head.  That and the $.19 cent breakfast sure makes me feel better about the $202 dollars a day this jail gets for having me here every 24 hours; $60 of that coming out of my pocket.  I think there are hotels with real beds that'll treat me about 10 times better for less money.

Between 6;30 and 8:30 p.m., my mail arrives.  You know what that means...it's time for another detour.

My mail, before it's received, has already been opened and read.  Any 'contraband' is removed (i.e., extra blank paper, internet related printouts, suggestive pictures, pictures over 4"x 6", any pictures over your allowed 5 pictures, stick-up notes, lipstick kisses, etc.).  When you send mail out, it is not to be sealed, so it can also be read, the only exceptions being a letter to a judge or your attorney (I'm not sure how they keep track of who your attorney is, but evidently they always must know).  Legal mail (mail from the court, or mail from "an" attorney, not necessarily yours) is not read...but certified mail is signed for by the jail, and is also read, no matter what it is.

Mail must go out or come to you whenever they feel like doing it, because some mail has taken as long as a week to get to who I've sent it to; the same applies to things mailed to me.  Some mail never arrived, either way.

Back to the main road.

At 10 p.m., bunks 1-10 clean the place again, and the phone goes off 'til 8:00 a.m.  At 10:15 you are chased back to your bunks again, and at 10:30 the lights go out for good.  Talk after this, and you may get wrote up, moved to another pod, or worse.

For the remainder of the week, we'll only discuss the differences for each day.  One given, a different series of bunk numbers is told to clean each day.

Tuesday, North 8

Between 5:30 and 7:00 a.m., you can sign up to have a phone call made to your attorney...if you know who your attorney even is (this is not likely for most), what their phone number is, or if you can even get them to come and see you...at all.  More than most never hear from their "attorneys" (mostly court-appointed ones) until they go to court for the first time.  After they meet them, they generally won't see them again until their next appearance.  Tuesday is also laundry day; one of two you have every week (remember, you're only allowed to have a full set of 2 outfits...and one of those will not get changed out on laundry day, because you have to wear a set to be in the laundry line).  Here, you're required to "bunk-up" again, or a very long line might be allowed, where you stand and wait to get your clothes.  A gray shirted clothes Nazi stands close to the line to make sure you don't receive any more clothes than you're allowed to have.

Wednesday, North 8

After breakfast today, you'll start cleaning for your once-a-week inspection...or not.  I think we might be due for another detour.

Now, if your pod was actually filled with 64 polite, cleanly, respectful, as well as respectable inmates, this would easily be the most simple thing to happen during your stay.  Prior to your inspection, right after breakfast, if every one of the 64 inmates in your pod were to pick one thing to clean for 5 minutes, it would be all over, and everyone could go back to bed at 6:15 or so.  What happens instead is, 5 or six inmates who are fanatically cleanly, clean the entire pod for everyone else, while the rest of the pod sleeps; and cleaning goes on by these same five or six inmates all the way until the whistle blows at 8:00 to 8:15.  Usually, the more lazy of the inmates are the ones that cause the pod to lose their inspection, as well as whatever privileges the whole pod gets if they are "basic standards met" or the winners.

There are only two "motivations" (if you should desire to call them that) to win an inspection.  One, is that, on Saturday, you'll get a Little Debbie's Honey Bun (that's usually gone in around 3 to 4 bites) and an 8 oz. lemonade.  The other, if you're fortunate enough to have cash on your books, happens on Saturday night.  There will come, to your pod, a "Chuckwagon", where you'll be given the opportunity to purchase massively over-priced items from the commissary that aren't on their usual menu, and they will be prepared on the spot.  Wow.  A box of Mike & Ike's that you can pick up at the Dollar Tree for a dollar is $2.50.  A bag of Microwave popcorn that probably costs them around $.40 cents is $1.40 a bag.  A large Kit-Kat or Hershey's chocolate bar is $3.65, and a 6.2 once rib sandwich or a cheeseburger is a whopping $5.75...about the price of a complete value meal at any fast food restaurant...for a lone microwave sandwich.  You would think that, at that price, the condiments would be free...but if you want ketchup or mustard, it's $.10 cents a package.  In case it isn't obvious as yet, commissary is a HUGE source of inmate income for the jail.

Winners of these inspections are so obviously spread around.  If it isn't your week to win, anything will be produced to make sure you don't win it, in order to keep people thinking that they're worth cleaning to win out.  pods who still refuse to clean lose movie, TV and other privileges...so it's best to hope that you have fanatics who insist on cleanliness, or you might lose out on all your privileges.

My feelings on inspections are a lot like they are on the subject of food.  At $60 a day (that I'm charged for room and board, let alone the $142 a day they get for keeping me here from the Feds), this pod should clean itself, I should be lying on sickeningly soft mattresses with 2 pillows and chocolates on them in the morning, and should be served steak at least once a week.  Instead, 6 days and 23 hours out of the week, I'm tripping over paper towel balls (that people miss the garbage cans with when they shoot for the can); I step in puddles of missed piss in waffled flip-flop patterns, and I have to scoop massive piles of hair out of sinks before I'm able to wash my hands in them.  The only time a pod is truly clean is for around an hour, between 8-9 a.m., on Wednesdays.

Thursday, North 8

The attorney call list goes back up again, and you can now order the Des Moines Register for the upcoming week at $1.27 a day (M-Sat) and $1.74 for Sunday.  This is also commissary delivery day, and detour time again.

Now, in the last article, we discussed the ordering and the pricing of commissary from the kiosks in fairly decent detail; but in order to give you a complete picture, we need to add some key facts and describe the delivery.

Commissary is not controlled by the jail, it's a separate company.  Therefore, problems with commissary are handled....by commissary.  For those of you not yet sure what that means, if your order doesn't add up; if you don't receive your order, or if it comes a cay late or you're due a refund, the jail is conveniently not responsible, nor will it help you with any issues you might have with them or your order.

If you get your bag, and $20 worth of items don't show up, refunds are made when commissary feels like making them.  If you miss your order (if you're at court, or in a class) when they arrive, you won't get the order that day, you will have to wait until they make re-deliveries, as many as 4 days later.

Now, in my opine, if you spend money, and you don't like what you bought, refunds are available to you almost immediately, upon presenting your receipt and your problem with what you bought.  Why should you have to wait, because you're in prison?  If anything, you should get it even faster, I would think, that way you could immediately spend it on something else that makes the jail more money than anyone else, like $3 local phone calls....sheesh.

One of the favorite things I hear from staff...kind of a last word type of thing, when they can't think of anything else intelligent to say; when we inmates complain about anything that happens at the jail; ...is "bail out and go home..."...or, another favorite, "don't get arrested".  Really?  How grown up is that?  A.  Like we beg to get arrested.  How about you stop making up all these ridiculous statutes and ways to get arrested, and maybe we won't have to be treated like children.  B.  Some of us....AREN'T GUILTY, or SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ARRESTED AT ALL.  What about those people?  Did they have a choice?  C.  As for bailing out, when I was first arrested, my bail was $70,000, supposedly for (allegedly) making some phone calls to someone and threatening them, from 85 miles away...in a different county, with no car to make good on them.  I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.  If you happen to have $7,000 dollars lying around the house I could borrow (that you will never get back, by the way), in addition to a house that you would have to put up as collateral as a guarantee that I'll show up for court to get sentenced for my crimes, I'll be most happy to "Bond out and go home."  I didn't think you did.  Then SHUT UP ALREADY.

Sorry....lost my mind for a moment.  I'm back, honest.

Laundry shows up again.  You get no more clean clothes until Monday this time.

Friday, North 8

Friday's differences are only that re-deliveries are done by commissary, and that there's a movie on at 8...for those that passed inspection.  Those that didn't won't even have TV that night.

Saturday, North 8

Movie is at 8 p.m. again today...Extra commissary snack packs could be coming today, or on Friday, depending on how busy commissary is.  Those "lucky" winners of the inspection will be getting their honeybuns and lemonade today, and the "Chuckwagon" shows at around movie time.

Sunday, North 8

Nothing happens today.  Nada.  Zero.  Zip.  Today is spent wishing Monday would hurry up and get here, so something will finally happen again.

And this, dear readers, is your life in the Polk County Jail...day in, day out, weeks and months (and even years, for fed inmates) even.  Same ol' Song and Dance.  The only thing that changes are the faces...and even then, this is never a given.  One man leaves, another man enters.

Join us again next month.  You know why....so....let's DO IT!  :D

***************************************************************************************************

JULY 4TH UPDATE

Well I'm free...and I'm not going for probation.  Sorry kiddies, I am not doing this...but I am getting a nice one month break from jail.  On the 18th of August I will, once again, go before Judge Blink, and be sentenced to what could be an additional 8 more months in the Polk County "Polkie."  Gee, I can't wait.  The good news is this...once this is over, it's ALL over, and I can move out of this state and fight my fight unfettered...and without worry of retribution by Polk County.  They will NEVER AGAIN know where I am, nor will they ever again find me...but exposure of their crimes, as promised, will continue until...well, you know what :D

The Polk County "Polkie", Part II (A)- June 2016

Remember, this is when it was brand new, and empty.

Well kids, it's June 2nd, the day after I had a surprise un-scheduled hearing at the Polk County Courthouse that I was not expecting. We'll get to the results of that hearing in the 2nd section of this "Part II (A) article; just after a line of asterisks below. Therefore, should the primary substance of this article fail to interest you, skip on down, and make a note of the following news headline.

"Iowa, and More importantly, Des Moines, Iowa", a 2nd blog of mine that I started a little over a year ago, then was left by the side of the road to die, is about to rise from the ashes once again and will now happen for two very obvious reasons:

1. This is AMERICA'S Deadly Sins...not Christopher Bruce's or Des Moines, Iowa Deadly Sins. It's time that this blog be hereby limited to dealing with the more prominent issues, as it first began, to those whole 2 years ago now (wow... who knew, eh?). This blog will, henceforth, after my release, deal ONLY with America's issues...not mine, or Iowa's....and will not involve my personal life in any way.

2. If you were to Google Des Moines, Polk County or Iowa, the sheer volume of tags associated with those searches contained in the tags in ADS (America's Deadly Sins) would bring up ADS numerous times. Here's the problem with that, though, no logical or person, upon the aforementioned places. A blog named with Des Moines and Iowa in the TITLE however.. that would be another bullet in the chamber, eh?

Therefore, "IAMIDMI" will be revived using life-saving technology, and will massively prompted to the world as the #1 source of all the REAL news that is news there, not just the souped up lies CityView Newspaper and the Des Moines Register tell you.

That blog can be found here:

http://desmoinesandiowathevenusflytrap.blogspot.com

Now, before you ask, all of America's Deadly Sins's content will remain right where it is now.  ADS's content, where relevant, will be moved (via direct copy) to blog the 2nd as well, in a straight timeline, just like it is here.  Also noteworthy, all of my new documents, until readership abounds on blog the 2nd will be double-posted and double-shared on all social medias everywhere, until blog the 2nd stands on its own, and its hit counter parallels ADS's.  Then once I'm satisfied that it's working on its own, I will cease posting Iowa relevant news on ADS...unless it's relevant to the bigger picture.  National exposure of Child Protective services will always be a priority and a primary theme on ADS, that will never change.  But what happens to me personally, Iowa, and Des Moines will only be posted on "IAMIDMI" from this point on.

Author's addendum:  "IAMIDMI" already has a slew of good articles that were posted there already, exclusively, for those friends and such from Iowa that are at all interested...and no, Mark, you can't comment there either.  Too bad, sooooooo sad.

So whaddya say we move on to the more meaty portion of this article, hmm??  Again, for those of you already yawning, you know where to go (down...remember?).  For those of you who are daring to carry on, be warned:  The main purpose of this article is to bore the pants off of those parts of the country, not Iowan in nature, with the intricate mechanics of how Polk County, Iowa treats its prisoners and those released.  There, I said it.  Warning over.  Carry on.

Let's begin by mentioning that, according to the Captain in charge of this jail (obviously, the SHERIFF, Bill McCarthy, who is SUPPOSED to be in charge really isn't...in charge of this jail - if he were, he'd be answering his mail, addressed to him, personally, wouldn't he?) states, in a letter he addressed right back to me in reply, that Polk County Jail passes inspections without fail, and is, I'm not kidding you...an "award-winning jail.  What do you say we have some fun with this afore we carry on, OK?

Here's that article about how "award-winning" our very own jail is:

https://www.polkcountyiowa.gov/sheriff/news-press-releases/polk-county-jail-excelled-in-four-critical-inspections/

First and foremost, how can any jail...anyplace...be "award-winning?"  That's just about all I have to say about that.

2nd, I'm sure "award-winning" jails aren't a whole lot different, really, than "award-winning" anything elses.  For instance, just like "award-winning" restaurants, I'm sure that the management team of whatever restaurant we're talking about here is always fully aware of the possible or probable coming of an "inspection" or of a critics visit...and are, of course, well-prepared on the date of the arrival of the same, to where, inevitably, they pass with flying colors just about on every occasion.  I'd hate to see the majority of these restaurants (and have, trust me), the rest of those non-inspection-type times.  Not only that, management, usually, or in particular, the owners of said restaurants, not only don't have a clue about these inspections, nor are they usually involved in passing them or getting good reviews in any way, shape or form.  I pretty much bet that nary an owner either rolled up their sleeves to help out with the cleaning, nor did a one of them participate in making any of the food that the critics gave rave reviews on.  No, without the hard work of the worker ants in these places, those with the most to lose (employees, management teams and the like), most of these places would be closed down so fast, it'd make their pots and pans spin.

Finally, before we close the door forever on this "award-winning" crapola, let's take a break for a moment of fairness.  I'm sure, that compared to the old Polk County Jail, where they piled the prisoners 10-high and packed 'em in like corralled cattle, then tossed 'em around to other state prisons in Iowa and Missouri (at the tax-payer's expense, naturally), as well as compared to other bigger and more nasty jails in larger cities, the new Polk County Jail is perfecto, and worthy of everything short of Bill being knighted by the Queen.  I'm certain, as well, that to the staff and owners of this obvious business, as well as to the board members, stock holders and award givers, it also appears quite worthy of this honor.  To those spending time in it, however, quite a different tune is sung.  That being said, let's strap in, cuff up, and stomp on down and let's see what's REALLY going on here, shall we?

To those of you that are new to this blog, or that have only been around for a couple of months, I have written another article about this jail, that can be found HERE:

http://themightyswordamericasdeadlysins.blogspot.com/2016/02/bravingthe-banjo-part-viii-new-and.html

This article is more general, and serves as a great preamble to this one.  Here is where we expound on the generalities, tear the place into itty bitty shreds, and show you every little thing that I'm certain those inspection teams missed; as they were tallying up their little score cards during their inspections.

SooooooooLET'S GET READY TO FUMMMMBLLLLEEEE!

Now, I'm sure that you are all of the mind that jail, in and of itself, is meant to be a deterrent, so that, once experienced, you would have no desire to return to it anytime soon.  OK, Consider that understood.  I'm also betting that you are of the mind that jails and prisons weren't built with the concept that, once inside one, the primary goal ISN'T to make sure that you feel comfortable, safe, or happy, pretty much for the previously states reasons...Granted.

I myself would have to say, then, if the above statements and their intentions were truly well-meaning and proven to be "reasonable" beyond the shadow of a doubt, then jails, and their prison cousins should then put newcomers in ridiculously unbearable situations and surroundings for a minimum of, at the most, maybe 24 hours...3 days, tops.

Well, it would seem that someone in Polk County has already thought of these things; and whoever it was, obviously had the Marquis de Sade, the Sadist's Sadist, in their family tree.  Ladies and Gentlemen, children of all ages, I hereby present:

The INTAKE

Getting arrested in Iowa and getting carried off to the Polk County Jail is hardly difficult.  Surviving the ordeal that follows, however, requires true patience and stamina, the likes I have seen only in the toughest of humans...and even then, I worry.  The probability of snapping is ripe at all times; and doubly, if not more, in the initial 24 hours.  Segregation, if done at all in the beginning, is limited to the scope of absolute extremes.  Unless a person is disruptive, destructive, disturbed or downright drunk upon arrest or soon thereafter, the person you could be stuck 5" away from could just be that serial rapist, murderer, child molester, or terrorist you've seen plastered all over the news, lo these past many months; and you'd never know it until after your neck was broken, because you chose not to uphold your promise to give whoever it was the cookie from your dinner tray.

I suppose we ought to draw a nice straight line from your house to the jail first.

So, day one, and you''re sitting on your front porch, smokin' a big fat J.  Your neighbor George comes out on his front porch, and catches you having wayyyyy too much fun, smokin' a big fat ol' J on your front porch, makes a note of it, then calls in to his local legislator's office, and tells them that there really should be some kinda law prohibiting people from having way too much fun smokin' big fat ol' J's on their front porches.

Day two, Mr. Legislator, who's also supposed to be looking out for YOUR best interests as well as George's, without fanfare, passes a statute that states you should be arrested, should you engage in the much repeated behavior a couple of paragraphs ago.

Day 3, and you return to your coveted spot on the front porch, and Mr. Authoritay rolls up on you and escorts you to his waiting luxury police limo after hauling you off your front porch, big fat ol' J in tow, and in furry cuffs....well, sans the fur.
\
After being rudely taken to the Polk County Jail, you are escorted inside, and immediately placed against a waiting mat, told to take off your shoes and socks, the cuffs are removed, and you are told to put on a used pair of gray socks and a used pair of orange flip-flops.

You are then placed in a cell with a pay phone in it, and told to wait patiently.  The room is approximately 8'x10' wide, has a large window and windowed door in front, and is all cement, and has a 3' high cement slab seat that winds around the non-windowed portion.  The phone makes collect phone calls at $14.00 a pop.  You could be in this room for 5 minutes or five hours.  The phone is said to make debit card calls too, but I have yet to see anyone pull this off (added to the fact that you do not have a debit card on you), nor does anyone seem to know how much these calls actually cost from this phone.

After the 5 minute "booking" where you just provide your name, birth date and a few more details, you are then shuffled into the intake area, into a small room that looks suspiciously like the last room you waited in, with some rather key differences.  This room is affectionately known by inmates and Correctional Officers (heretofore known as C.O.'s) as the "Fishbowl."  The obvious differences are:

1.  You can see in the windowed portion, but you can barely see out of it...hence the fishbowl moniker.

2.  You get a blanket now (wait, there's an effective counter to this seeming benefit up and coming)

3.  There is no phone, nor any books, no pens or pencils, no paper, no hot water...no anything.

4.  Instead of 1-5 of you, there is now 8-12 of you in the same cramped space.

5.  You are now completely devoid of your street clothes, and are now in full standard issue used undies (consisting of brown boxers, and a brown T-shirt), green and white striped outers, and your previously issued orange and gray socks and shoes.

6.  Chances are, if you sleep at all, you will be sleeping sitting up.

7.  You could be in this room anywhere from 12-36 hours.

Now, granted, you or the people with you may bond out of this heavenly little cell (provided your short time with a payphone nets you an answer to your friends, relatives or a local bondsman that thinks you might bring in his next payday), but as soon as someone leaves, someone with less luck bonding out takes their place.  Since there is next to nothing to do except pee or poop in the lone toilet in this cell, sleep, breath, talk or eat; the rest of your time is spent watching people go in and out, or bothering the C.O.'s to get what you want.  Of course, the more you ask for something, the more you're duly ignored, unless you get a helpful C.O., about a one in ten chance.

After what could be a day and a half, you are then shuffled into your next temporary home, a "pod".  For those of you that are not familiar with what a pod is, we'll cover this a little down the road.  Basically, for all intents and purposes, a "pod" is a pre-fabbed jail housing unit that is identical to other units in the same jail or other jails.  Some pods are made a little differently to house more specialized people.  It's a standard, if you will, in a more modern jail setting.

The first pod that you go to is called Barney Land 1.  This "pod" is a classification pod...whatever that means.  The name stems from the time when this pod's TV set only sported the public access channel, including the 'Barney Show, of course.  Nowadays, however, the only thing that plays on the TV set in Barney Land 1 is the Jail's rules, in both English and Spanish.  There is nothing else to do in this pod but talk.  If you've been to the jail before, you'd known other things that are available here, but most inmates are learning this stuff for the first time.  You are, of course, expected to figure out these things for yourself.  You aren't able to order any commissary (not even hygiene products), and you are stuck here for 2 days.

After this, you are taken to Barney Land 2, which is right next door to where you were in Barney Land 1, another classification pod, where you also stay for yet another 2 days.  The difference?  you now can watch up to 4 local stations on the tube, and you can finally order only hygiene products on the computer kiosks...not that you'll get them for at least a week, but you can sure order them anyway.  We'll get to that soon, I promise.

The list of items you are given without a price tag goes like this (item, where you can receive the item, and times when you can receive them where):

A single bar of motel-sized soap
The fishbowl and right before BL 1
Before you go to BL 1

Toothbrush, 2 1/2 inches long
The Fishbowl, right before BL 1, and the pods
6;30-7;30 a.m.

Toothpaste
The Fishbowl, right before BL 1, and the pods
6:30-7:30 a.m.

Razor, Single-blade non-bic
Pods Only
5:30-6:00 a.m.

Pencils, Miniature-Golf Sized, 2 sharpen Max
Pods only
Anytime

Paper, single sheet, lined, 5 1/2"x8 1/2", with "Polk County (Jail)" and the address emblazened across the top (for those of you that weren't able to read the required 6 line address from the envelope).
Pods Only
Anytime

Spork, orange plastic
Pods Only
Upon request

8 oz. Tan plastic glass
Pods only
Upon request

Paper towels (napkins, cleaning)
Pods Only
Anytime

Toilet Paper
Everyplace
Anytime

The remainder of your complementary free items include;

One blue 6" thick foam mattress (that usually settles to 1-2" of thickness after it's been in use for about a month, depending on how big you are) with a 10" thick "pillow, built-in (same physics apply).

1/2 all steel bunk bed to place said foam mattress on

2 sick-green sheets (who is it that thinks of these marvelous color schemes I wonder?) that are much too short for said foam mattress

1 dark brown towel and 1 dark brown washcloth

2 dark brown T-shirts and 2 dark brown boxer briefs.

2 pairs gray tube socks

1 pair orange flip-flops

2 green and white striped outers for all occasions - fine dining, casual, court appearances (sans a jury), bedtime, and just plain ol' "lying around the pod".  Another set of colors, orange and white, appears after "Barney two", for those more....disturbed patrons of the jail.

All clothing, towels and sheets issued to you?  Used, more than likely by 1000 inmates before you.

After you get done moping around Barney 2 for two more days, you are then placed in your "forever" pod, your new permanent home, for however long.  These sport some major differences over the barneys.  I suppose now might be a good time to give you a description of this "pod", eh?

As you enter your pod head-on, the first thing you see on your right (or left, depending on which direction your pod faces), is an outdated printed set of the rules of the jail, evidently placed here for those folks not bight enough to navigate the computer kiosks, where a more detailed and most definitely more updated set of the rules is located.  Of course, the way I see it is, if you can't navigate the kiosks (that you use almost daily, for other reasons), then I would assume that you are also too uneducated to read the rules, too...so why bother?  Oh, and as long as we have nicked the issue, let's go on to it, shall we?

The kiosks, as you may have already guessed, are the very next thing you'll see.  These are in every pod.

As I said before, no orders are allowed in the "Barney" pods (hygiene items can finally be ordered in Barney land 2, but these won't be delivered to you until you reach your last pod, on whatever day your commissary is re-delivered).  If you are finally in your home pod, you can now order whatever you want; and yet, just like everything else in Polk County, nothing is ever that simple.

1.  Pod deliveries are once a week; orders for any pod are to be completed no later than 7 a.m. on Friday morning.  This is a major inconvenience for those pods who receive their orders every Thursday, in particular, for those that are just arriving.  These folks will wait a total of almost 3 full weeks for their first order to be delivered, if you include their time spent in the "fishbowls" and the "Barneys".  For you hygiene fanatics, that's 3 whole weeks without real soap or shampoo, a comb or a brush, tampons, lotion, deodorant or a contact lens holder.  For you letter writers, or those of you that choose to represent yourselves in your cases, that's 3 whole weeks with no eraser or envelopes.

2.  Prices to buy things on commissary are, for lack of a better term, OUTRAGEOUS.  A Cup O' Soup that you can still find in most grocery stores for 30 cents is $1.27.  Suave shampoo, the size you can still get at Walgreens for $.99?  $5.00.  Hard candy that you can still pick up most places for $.59 a bag, or 2 for a $1?  $1.44 each bag.  An off-brand deck of cards, that with normal use is likely to fall apart on you in a week or possibly less?  $2.08.  A contact lens holder for soft lenses is $7.97 (hard contacts will be taken from you, because they could be used to cut people (???)).  An UNO deck is $18.  Probably the largest and most atrocious gouge of them all, however, is an all digital AM/FM radio that only gets reception in around half of the pod, that you are more than likely still able to pick up at Wal-Mart or the Dollar Store for $10 or less?  $45.99.  To add insult to that injury, the two AAA batteries that power this radio, that are guaranteed to die on you before the week is out, that you can get at the Dollar Tree for $1?  $2.82 for 2.

Along the left side of the pod (if the kiosks are along the right) is a line of 8-4 man cells on a lower and upper level.  In these cells (that measure all of 13'x7') are 2 sets of bunk-beds.  Disability is about the only guarantee that you'll get a bottom bunk; not even old age is an excuse, so you won't have to hike up the one-step ladder that even 20-year-olds have a problem climbing.  At the end of your bunk or in a bag on the floor (that also has to hold your commissary items AND your dirty laundry) are the only two options for somewhere to place what little things you have, or are allowed.  pictures (you're allowed to have 5 total that can be no bigger than 4"x6") can be "hung" on the wall by your bed (yet no scotch tape is allowed.  You'll have to peel stickers off of bottles of your own shampoo or lotion, or save the caps off of milk containers for the AE stickers off the top of the caps, or used toothpaste to stick them up).  All of your things and your pictures must be taken down and packed into your laundry bag once a week on Wednesday (inspection day) for 15 minutes, then you have to unpack them and put it all back after that.

Towards the front door of the pod, on each level, are 4 shaving-style sinks, and 4 toilets.  Two toilets are on the side of the sinks (with mirrors located well above the sinks for better penis inspection while you're shaving and they're peeing) are for #1 business (standing), and two, on the other side of a full wall are for #2 (sitting) business.  Also on the upper level is a large metal sink.  This sink, for the lower level, is placed over by the shower area, and where it should be on the lower level is a small enclosed one-man cell called 'The Blue Room", to be used at the C.O.'s discretion, for those more troublesome inmates to be housed, if they're being unruly.

There are NO privacy walls in front of or between toilets (save a 3' high wall between both sets of the #1 and #2 toilets themselves); so tinkles of #1 business and the smells of all #2 business is shared with the entire pod, without mercy.  Another fun thing about the #1 toities:  Imagine that cleaning the toilets at home (the toilets in the Jail have no lids by the way...for either #1 or #2 business) was left up to your husband.  Now imagine what those toilets would look like after a month's time.  That's what the #1 business toilets look like every single day at the Polk County Jail.  Award Winning Jail my butt.

Along the opposite wall (where the kiosks are), around half-way up the pod is a 20'x20' TV room, in a depressed area behind the main hall (which measures 24'x94').  Here, you have a 22" TV on the wall that gets 19 approved channels.  There's another one that is placed high above the door to the exercise room, located on the end of the main hall (we're coming to this soon), that you cannot hear unless you're able to afford that $46 AM/FM radio we discussed earlier; or if you're lucky enough to have the sub-titles on.  The chances of you getting to watch something you enjoy watching is around 1 in 10 if you have a radio, and about 1 in 20 if you don't.  There are only 15 or so chairs in the TV room of any one pod, so if something is on that everyone wants to watch (like the Friday or the Saturday night movie), you might end up watching it on the floor...or be out of luck altogether.

Located in front of the all-windowed wall of the TV room is the C.O.'s desk, cramped as close as is possible in front of the T.V. room as possible, for maximum cell viewing.  The C.O. faces the cells, with a computer screen in front of him (which seems to be always on Facebook).  To his right, screwed tightly onto one upper ledge of the desk, is a single cheap, hand-crank-style pencil sharpener, often in poor to as much as completely non-working condition.  The C.O. is only allowed to issue out these items:

Contraband Items

One fingernail clipper, un-sanitized/un-sterilized.  Can be issued at anytime upon request, but if not returned immediately, a search will immediately ensue.  This is because these clippers are also used to give other inmates hair/beard cuts, because not everyone is wealthy enough to afford $14 hair cuts.  HEALTH RISK ALERT:  Hepatitis.

Black Rubber stretch gloves.  The C.O. uses these gloves to handle food trays, used razors, and to (diligently, and sometimes criminally) search inmates when they are coming into and going out of the pods.  These are only given to inmates once a week on inspection day for cleaning; and only with the close supervision of the C.O., as to whom is in possession of them.  He will keep track of who has them until they are disposed of in his personal garbage.  These are considered contraband because of the string in the bottom of the gloves, and because the rubber portion of them is used to make handballs (God forbid any inmate should have any fun, or get any exercise).  Once, I was almost placed in solitary (the SHU, Special Housing Unit) because I asked for a pair of these gloves with which to clean our pod toilets...no kidding.  Another thing, even if you're leaving the jail?  They still search you, still cuff and chain you up...like you're going to take something of theirs out of the jail, or like you're going to do something to them at the moment you're being let out.  Unbelievable.

Cloth cleaning towels

Razors (only allowed you between 5:30-6:00 a.m.)

The non-contraband items the C.O. can issue to you are toilet paper rolls, paper towels, a toothbrush or toothpaste (and only between 6:30-7:30 a.m.), pencils, and jail paper.

Further on down the way is the 19'x10' shower area, indented into the wall, like the TV room is.  This area, like the toilets, isn't walled off over 5' high, and visibility of the men in it taking showers is around 80 percent or better...depending on the price of your rail position ticket.  A camera is placed right above it along the wall next to the shower, so the C.O.'s can also check you out (and supposedly watch to make sure you aren't being sexually molested in  the shower...like anyone could pull this off in such a small space, and with the walls being as low as they are.

Speaking of cameras, there are three, all-told, per pod.  One was just mentioned, one is in the exercise room, and one is by the very front of the pod, by the door.

By the way, if something of the jails' were to come up missing, or if something of theirs disappears that they don't want you to have (whether it's worth 25 cents or 25 dollars doesn't really matter) the staff on duty will turn the place upside down and run both the security videos back to find out who has it, and punish them (I saw them do this twice, once for a tray of their crummy food, and once for a bottle of hand sanitizer).  However, should someone steal your $100 commissary bag, the C.O.'s on duty will shrug their shoulders and state that it's your responsibility to watch your own things, even when you're asleep or not in the pod.  'Magine that.

Finally, at the far end of the pod, there is the Exercise Room, which measures close to 25'x28'...and is completely empty.  There are two windows (that are too high to see out of) where, on a sunny day, you MIGHT be able to enjoy an entire hour of fractured sunlight a day.  There is a single window of two that can be opened for fresh air...but only if you beg enough, and only if it's not too hot or cold.  You are never allowed outside for any reason at the Polk County Jail, even if you're in there for over a year.

The entire size of the pod's common area?  25'x94' (sans the TV room, the exercise room and the shower area).  The entire size of the pod, where you're crammed in with up to 64 cantankerous volatile powder-keg-type inmates, and 1 more than likely irritable trigger happy C.O.?  A whopping 58'x94'.

 As promised earlier, the differences between the Barney pods and your forever pod:

1.  Barney pods usually don't have more than 40 inmates in them at any given time.  Home pods generally have 55-64 inmates in them at ALL times.

2.  All commissary can now be ordered and delivered to you.

3.  The appearance of inmates wearing orange and white stripes.

4.  15 more cable stations to watch on TV

5.  You can now safely unpack all ten of your belongings and keep them out, unless:

a.  You get in an argument or a fight with someone and are either placed in the "hole" (The SHU); after which you have to endure the Barney Land pods again to get back to a real home,

b.  Someone doesn't like you (or you don't like them) and they (or you) "kite" you out to another pod (we'll discuss kites in part B of this series).

We'll stop here for now, OK?  When we return in July, we'll discuss a day in the life of our PCJ inmates.

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Well?  In case you hadn't already heard (or figured it out on your own), July 4th, Independence Day, is also MY independence day.  That means, of course, that I'm going to TRY their probation.  Of course, you and I both know it won't last, but I'm willing to give it the ol' college try.  If nothing else, I'll get a nice little vacation in before they "violate" me, more than likely.